Episode 03: Sabastian Enges of Fenix Consulting Group
00:00- Foreign ER Shaw and welcome to this episode of The Adventurous podcast today I am so excited to dig in with you guys and introduce you to Sebastian Enges a performance coach and the CEO of Phoenix Consulting Group welcome Sebastian to Adventurous thank you excited to be here you should be anyway before we dive in let's talk a little bit about Brax I can speak from experience that being with the right Bank especially as a startup is absolutely key and I'm sure with your long history and Entrepreneurship Sebastian you have had
00:42- Similar experiences how important is it to you to be with the right Bank having a great financial partner is key and will help you grow in strategic times so yeah having a bank that you can rely on that's got your back, especially in crucial moments is important yes crucial moments is when you really regret having the wrong bank so entrepreneurs yes can scale their business much faster with brex you can open an account online and only 10 minutes deposit cash send payments track spend and get a credit card with 10 to
01:12- 20 x higher limits no personal guarantee and no fees and you also get rewards like 7x back on Rideshare and 2x back on recurring software it's awesome to visit adventurous podcasts for a special offer from Brax so Sebastian I am we have had many conversations over the past couple of months about many things and we've talked to many things shoes chips ceiling wax cabbages and also Kings there's points if you do nope it's from Alice in Wonderland oh it's a good one anyway so I was you know we
01:58- Have a lot of similar upbringings we both grew up in small towns in Washington we both probably had altercations with blackberry bushes at some point you know all many things military families and all of that stuff but you know there's one story I was hearing from you that I kind of wanted to unpack in a little bit more fast-forwarding through that to you know your current company and where you're at now and you had talked about how there was sort of a pivotal moment for you where you were in a young son newly married you know you
02:34- Can paint the picture probably better than I can and you had to have sort of a grounding moment where you wrote the word a word for yourself on the mirror then that word was trust so I would love to know you know and if you want to want to frame this up with you know where you're at today what's going on with your business what's going on with your life and what was happening for you back then that had to be something you needed to do yeah that uh that's a that's a great place to start
03:06- it was coming out of the Great Recession as I think we call it now right this 2008 2009 I've been an entrepreneur my entire life but you kind of hinted out there entrepreneurism is it's built into me that's the world that I live in but 2008 was particularly hard for I think everyone you know entrepreneurs and everyone else and coming out the other side of that it was going through a very typical time and was newly married I've been married for I think just a few years and we had a nine month old
03:44- Son and I had a choice but play it safe I had somebody had offered me a job which jobs like the idea of having a job literally makes my skin crawl but I've been offered a job that was you know well paying for most standards or do I take an entrepreneurial route and take advantage of an opportunity that's been presented to me were you already in a company at this point where had you started your business or were you at a Crossroads no at the moment that were the frame trust was the this when I had decided made a decision to go
04:20- The entrepreneurial route but by quick math seemed far more risky right you know it was I think the position was that passed up was like a hundred and hundred eighty thousand dollars I think salary was the projection with another 60 in commission running the regional Regional Sales West Coast sales for a big software company and certainly coming out of 2008 2009 that was tempting yeah and yet in my heart I felt there was another path and there was something that I was called to do and that I was meant to do and on on the surface
04:57- There's no way had I not learned to listen and that's certainly something we could get more into but I don't learn to listen to my heart into my intuition much earlier in my life I could have easily explained away that and gone with what seemed to be the far more logical route and the far more secure out right and so it was a heart and then then I'm having to explain to my wife knew I was an entrepreneur so thankfully I had that on my side she knew what she was getting into from the beginning but then I had to
05:27- Explain to her yeah I'm gonna pass on this opportunity and we made the decision together to be fair but I'm going to pass on this opportunity to do something that no guaranteed salary no guaranteed pay with the upside of a different life altogether and that's really the math it's like hey here's our path we can either do the nine to five you know Monday through Friday and we'll have a good life but it won't be necessarily on our terms or I can sacrifice the next three to five years and we live life on our terms
06:03- Which one do you want yeah and she was in agreement with me like hey let's go for it three to five years but you know nine month old at home is a tough one that's you know it means I was leaving her at the time I had calculated the key to this is I had somewhat over promised here on the time I said it'd probably be six days a week 12 to 14 hour days which basically meant I was going to be home one day a week which would be Sunday yeah and so that meant that she was going to be
06:35- Home a lot with our oldest son Lucas and that was what was so tough for me for a number of reasons I was raised by a single mom money dictated every decision that was made in my household which is kind of part of the reason I am who I am and I decided a very young age that wasn't going to be my life but it was hard to make that decision every day and to leave my family every day, especially at that time and I knew you know young mom nine month old is tough and so I made the decision and it worked for me
07:09- Now I wish I could tell you those conditions would Prime anyone to do everything in their power to come through I've now you know 10 years later 12 years later I'm like yeah that those conditions don't create that in everyone which is interesting but for me it was I have no other choice but to win like if I'm going to be away from my family if I'm going to be away from my son then it has to be worth it and so there were mornings I am literally driving and the business that I had started it was Consulting with
07:40- ATT it was in Rancho Cucamonga which for me is like 73 miles away which is a pretty big commute you know it's you've got to take the 91 to get out there which I'm pretty sure was conceived in the pit of Hell and then here is like here’s the highway so uh but that you know that was a long drive every single day and I the where the story comes in is I there were days I was literally tears in my eyes driving away from my house and just frustrated and pissed off I wasn't further along but what I would do
08:14- To your question was I'd get out of the shower and the mirror or get out of the shower and our one bedroom I don't know 900 square foot apartment and which is you know that's fun you look back at stuff and I think there's anyway but it was a fogged mirror and I would write trust with my hand in the mirror it was the last thing I'd write before I'd leave the bathroom trust so you did this more than once this was like a ritual it was almost 14 months affirmation yeah yeah constant yeah
08:47- And I because I didn't get it I knew I didn't quite understand how what I was doing was going to connect to my purpose or my calling which I'm you know sometimes that can be weird for people but I absolutely believe we all drop in here with purpose there's a reason why we're here yeah I just I couldn't quite connect the dots but in my heart of hearts I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be I just didn't understand why and so I had to override which I'm a deeply logical
09:12- Person so I had to like override some of the process of like how does this add up because I wanted to know more and in that season I was to not know more I was to trust to do the step right in front of me and that was all I was given so it took me about 14 months of writing then on the bathroom mirror before it all started to click and that was it was a formidable season in my life an important season in my life that led to a lot of you know the success we've had now fast forward that small little
I09:44- Think the first year I made 40 000 40 39 000 I don't know it was in the 40s anyway yeah it wasn't that much no now you know to running a company that I think we've done a few hundred million dollars now in LTV and have grown five thousand percent we have offices across the country my master bedroom is bigger than the apartment that you know I had when we started which it's it just kept a bowling alley in your house huh do you have a bowling alley or a skating rink no you're not there yet no not there yet you haven't
10:18- Made it no no it's true you haven't made it until you have a bowling alley so yeah I was skating actually for me I want a flamingo pond that's when I've made it when I can sit on my back porch and watch flamingos fight I see I think I'm there with you already like I get it I mean the skink is the only thing but they are yeah but they're funny when they're fighting you know you you touched on so many things that I just like want to unpack all of that and I don't know how to do that
10:45- Right now but I think one of the things I I myself had a similar experience for many years where my path made absolutely no sense it was not working I was not making money and I kept kind of logically saying this doesn't make any sense and I literally look crazy and stupid and everyone in my life is worried about me you know my parents my family they're they're finally at a place where they're like she's gonna be okay it worked out but it was not it that was not the case and I remember you know even my little
11:23- Brother he got a new he bought a a place and he came to me one day and he was like we have an extra bedroom at our house and I'm like cool you know he's like so if you ever need it I'm like oh no my family really but I mean aside from that I I definitely had lots of you know filling up journals with angst not understanding why my path wasn't working and it wasn't until it worked but then I looked back at the journey that made no sense and I think for me my Saving Grace was some sort of universal intervention every
12:01- Time I would try to go do something else because it seemed the right thing those doors always closed and something always brought me right back onto this path and I was just I felt crazy sometimes and so you know I think it's like it's an interesting balance like you're talking about between following and leading yourself and I think one of the things you were talking about how some people have the recipe within them but they can't be successful I and I don't know if you believe this but I think the difference
12:39- Between those people who have that recipe and they have that drive but they're not able to break through and the ones that do break through is a sense of personal responsibility yeah yeah that's a Hot Topic in our culture right now but yeah I would agree I think having purpose like there's a clear why that is your anchor and then a deep sense of personal responsibility to fulfill that is the foundation for growth and that the motivation or the discipline the drive it's going to take to break
13:14- Through and I don't I think I think social responsibility is really important we're talking a lot about that in our culture right now I don't think we get to social responsibility without personal responsibility it's the Bedrock it always starts here first right but like I can look at all the reasons that I have failed which are many volumes of books I could write all the books on yourself about my failures and I but I think the difference was there came a point it wasn't all the time I failed
13:45- A lot but as soon as I started saying what is happening in my business or in my life or to me is not my fault but it is my responsibility yes that was the game changer and that was when I was able to actually break through I love that frame right because there are things that happen to us that are not quote unquote our fall yeah but it is our responsibility to respond to it right and how we respond to it and it's another thing we're very caught up in our culture is pointing the finger outwards and blaming and fall I just
14:19- Don't find any use for it I don't think it's an effective way to deal with life and so to that point it's like when you own responsibility that isn't necessarily that's not you saying well this is all my fault because again things happen to us that may or may not be our fault but it is our responsibility how we deal with it right responsible yeah and so I I hear you loud and clear I think it's beautiful and I could at least from my perspective I've had plenty of failures that was absolutely my
14:47- Fault but taking responsibility is key to bringing you real change uh to the game well it's so powerful when you accept the fault so I was on a phone call yesterday with some colleagues and I did this thing that I do which is not great but sometimes I will just put my head in the sand and just run and go fix something but I won't communicate what I'm doing like I'm like no entrepreneur everywhere it can relate to that thing yeah and so then you know I have colleagues and they from the outside looking in it looks like
I15:23- Steamrolled them I bulldozed them and I was completely disrespectful to them because guess what I was yeah like even though I wasn't meaning to I completely like ran off in a direction fixed the problems that they told me they had but didn't communicate that that's what I was doing and then I was left with a mess on my hands I could have done one of two things I could have argued with them yes told them how much they were unfair to me because I actually fixed it and I'm right and it could have been a
15:49- Big fight or you know we get onto you know a meeting a conversation and the first thing at the gate that I say is I'm really sorry you guys I completely do this thing where I fail to communicate about what I'm up to and then I do this and I fix it and I but I don't let anyone else know and I did that this time and it's not great at all and I'm really sorry I did it and I did it again you know and now all of a sudden we've disarmed and no one has anything to fight about so people come to the call looking for a
16:27- Fight or anticipating an argument and there is none to be had so then all that's left in that space is acceptance and we move forward the opportunity for acceptance hey you changed the conversation when you take ownership right out the gate I think one of my my favorite questions to ask my students and my clients it's usually an early conversation we're having is how are you complicit in creating the reality you say you don't want how are you complicit in creating the reality you say you don't how do you get
17:00- People there when they're not there I mean really well uh Byron Katie I don't know if you're familiar with her work but she has a process she literally calls the work but it's more questions to just get the crack of light and understanding how you're creating your own reality uh and so I I employ that fairly regularly but her first question is you know how do you know this is true so you say yeah everything is a certain way right usually when you see global statements everyone everything when people project
17:36- Something it's always a global statement right Global statement this person is terrible or it's everyone anyone never anything that sounds like that right yeah so then the first question is well how do you know that's true I just know it's true they're really animated about it right and you you know they're shut down at this point there's nothing getting in there they're just they're absolutely and they're very emotional second question are you absolutely certain that's true
18:06- And that may seem like it seem like you're asking the same question but the first two questions are simply to get the person to realize there's at least a chance what they're believing isn't true so you get to the second one if somebody's really shut down they're still they're still gonna have our time with the answer but usually if you just sit quietly they'll think well I mean maybe I'm not maybe that's not accurate right you just give them a sense that the sense that kind of think
18:30- Through and they're like yeah okay well maybe I'm wrong and then the third question well how does it make you feel believing this is true oh shitty ah I feel horrible right and you just and you don't rescue them from this description just let them sit in the face I'm just feeling that in my stomach right now it almost feels like you shoved a knife in there and you twisted it right and you do not rescue the person from their process so you just sit and let that simmer and they just start describing
19:02- And I've had people grown-ass adults cry describing this whatever their belief system it could be simple as you know why their husband doesn't pick up the socks or why the wife is so frustrated the dish is not it could be over like all sorts of different things you just sit with this and they describe their experience of what they experience believing this is true after fully acknowledging well maybe it isn't true how I see this right and then the final question which I love and there's a turn to this too but the final
19:32- Question is what would it be like if this wasn't true oh oh my God I feel so much lighter I feel so much better and it's an entire reframe in four questions that get people to realize okay I'm choosing to look at the world this way yeah I'm not certain this is true but I am choosing to see it this way it's having this impact on me and there is another way to see it that I acknowledge would make me feel a whole lot different so Byron Katie's the work it's fantastic those four questions I employ in
20:07- Different frames constantly just to get people to realize there I Do by the way 100 percent uh know there is capital T truth humans just don't operate in a lot of it most of it is lowercase truth right it's our perception our opinion our story about a thing which is beautiful I think it's part of The Human Experience and I'm not knocking that but there is a difference between my truth and the truth or at least there can be and understanding when the subjective part of it comes in it certainly can be true
20:38- To us but anything that can be true to us also doesn't inherently need to be true to us it's something we're deciding right and so then we're writing our own story and that's important I think to realize yeah you know I think so for one I can see how powerful that is and I can also see how hard it might be to use in day-to-day business because a lot of people aren't going to be there but I do I'd love to find a way to like maybe water it down a little because like so I have 38 companies on my portfolio and
21:09- Growing and you know and my company's Founders in addition to just like my staff my team all day long I basically feel like I sit there listening to people's perceptions that's right and I spew them out too of course all day long but there's a lot of perceptions that I hear that I'm like this company is not going to make it or this person is not going to break through because their perceptions that they're pushing out and their inability to receive any feedback not even like verbal feedback but just
21:41- To receive anything is means that this person is on a collision course and there's nothing I can do about this yeah there's an old saying we're all writing our own stories but very often only the successful are willing to admit it and it's you see this when you're when you're coaching people or you're working with a client or you're working with a partner and then they're for whatever reason not willing to see it right and it is a choice there's something subjectively that they
22:18- Either don't want to see or they don't want to acknowledge or they don't want to change their perspective on it and they're it's again how am I complicit in creating the reality I don't want uh how do you coach that person it's it's very difficult to get somebody to see something they don't want to see yeah for ourselves included yeah first and foremost yeah for sure yeah you know I think one of the things that you know we're Dan we're dancing around the topic a little bit but it's
22:48- It's the discussion we've had before about you know the different energies and the interplay between them of the masculine energy and The Feminine energy and you know right before we hopped on here and started having this conversation you know I was we were talking about how the feminine energy is the feminine energy as energy which also happens to be embodied by women but it's not embodied by men is first and foremost a space yeah I love how you said it that way and it's such a beautiful way of explaining
23:20- That and you can feel that you can Intuit that right like I'm looking at your space I wish I was there but I could it's like it embodies an energy and a space that supports life right and that you're right that it is a space it's a space of acceptance and of not projecting or pushing anything like it in the feminine space and when I'm when I'm feeling more like in the flow of that I'm accepting of all things all people all situations I'm just sort of like life flows through me and I flow
23:55- With life versus when I'm in a masculine space I'm doing things I'm solving things I'm driving something forward I'm pushing I'm pushing and that interplay requires some sort of self-awareness within you to realize you know our default in our society is to be pushing and doing and accomplishing and achieving you have to let go you have to release and you have to trust to become a space in order to be allowing and in that space of allowing is where you can do that work yes I describe that as
24:38- Doing from the place of being right like that's your best work is done from being in doing and so you can describe the feminine as being the masculine as doing and there is a cycle to this that is really beautiful but when you position your doing from being it’s a creative energy which is woman right which is the feminine and it takes it's a different kind of energy to create in the world than from doing does this make sense yeah right where the masculine you know we were both
25:13- Talking about it there is a catabolic element to masculine energy without the counterbalance of the feminine which I think is more anabolic and so it's a more exhaustive energy because it is a giving or creating in the world a doing energy and so the balance of the two is important and you've touched on this but just to come back to it women have both masculine and feminine energy generally although there are exceptions women tend to house the feminine energy more potently and more commonly but they house both and same
25:54- With the male the male has both feminine and masculine energy though the male tends to house more of the masculine energy although there are Exceptions there too but understanding the interplay between these two energies and how they work together and how important they are and when they're in Balance there is a magic that happens that's like nothing else on Earth it's a it's an energy it's the energy to create quite literally yeah and that's the space I think we need to get back to
26:24- Where we're not diminishing one over the other or prioritizing one over the other but learning how important that interplay is and understanding it's in that combination that we really find the juice that's where the real magic is the combination within ourselves but also the combination within our relationships whether they're business relationships romantic relationships Team Dynamics I think about it a lot in my team Dynamic and in how I've built my company because I know that I have predominantly
27:01- Feminine energy and when I know this for many reasons I have masculine energy obviously I do a lot of things to get a lot of stuff done but it depletes me very quickly and I'm I quickly get tired so I know if I'm solely in masculine energy and I I'm quickly depleted that like I can't be in that always so I have to find balances within my business as well as within my life and my Partnerships in my life that allow me to be who I really am you know and I think that but it starts again starts with you and learning how
27:42- To accept and allow and embody both so the beautifully said and for the women listening how would you just how would you do you have a ritual or routine or something you do that allows you to kind of move back into the feminine and kind of take yeah the mask you kind of put masculine on as a tool or like a here's something I'm using and then how do you come back to the feminism we talked about this and you see this where it's like sometimes it's hard for people to get out of the masculine it's like
28:16- They're always in that ah and it wears them out right how do you how do you find yourself what rituals routines or how do you get yourself back into the feminine yeah I call the masculine energy a weapon of War I pick it up when I need it I use it with precision to get things done and then I put it down because I'm done you know and I don't need it so I would say you know even before you get to the rituals it's extremely important to do the healing work because the feminine energy is often blocked by trauma and by
28:53- you know distrust of ourselves distress of others distrust of masculine energy and so we all have this I'm not you know but I think that first and foremost you have to work through that stuff and same with masculine energy men need to work through a lot of that stuff too in order to be truly and they're grounded masculine presence I've met a lot of men who like they look masculine but I actually feel in my body very unsafe around them and I think it's because they're not really something in
29:25- Me is saying this person's not safe I would describe them I call them man boys they're not yes they're they're they house the male body but they have not matured into the masculine yeah yeah and you know sometimes there's you know behaviors and things like that that are bad but even then you know they can be great people but like as a woman I would never be able to surrender and Trust yes into them and I can feel there's a sense I call it melting when I feel like I can relax it's when I'm in
29:54- The presence of embodied strong grounded masculine and that allows me to relax and if I can't I have to be in my masculine because I have to protect myself and this is all like Primal you know but women need to do the work to be able to surrender first and foremost just in the comfort of their own selves in order to be able to surrender yes in the world you know and so that's first and the healing work and then I would say I have rituals so you know during my work my work day is my work day and I try to be very
30:33- Regimented and I try and I've also built in a lot of support and allowing to be supported whereas when I was very rigidly masculine you know years many years ago I didn't allow people to support me because I didn't trust anyone you know and so and if you would have asked me that I would never have admitted to that but now I look back and I'm like oh yeah I totally was unable to release trust and allow others to support me whether it's a colleague a you know whatever or a man and so then I would say I find small things that
31:20Save Notesort of remind me and Trigger the feminine energy within me so like you know my space is like very like I'm a sensual person so I always have like you know fluffy pillow or something like that colors colorful you know like a lot of these things which are very surface you know they're they're sort of superficial but they do help and then I have rituals so like every night I have like a tea thing and that tea is my time and I make the tea and you know sit quiet and I just allow myself to feel and I think that any opportunities and
32:06- Rituals that you can create for yourself to feel is yes that allows it to flow through you and so like I will go deep within myself and I'll check in like how am I feeling about what happened today how am I feeling about what I comes tomorrow why am I feeling that way and really going into the feeling side completely not logical and I have opportunities for myself to do that always regularly that means that I'm more tapped into my feelings and my heart on a regular basis because I'm practiced you know at it and then you
32:45- Know take time off work I mean it's really hard but you know walk on the beach I love to go to the farmers market I buy flowers I get fresh like produce and fruit and you know I prep and I cook and that's a ritual for me that grounds me and you know life is not all about being doing driving you know pursuing you know but I think the opportunities that you build in to allow yourself to feel is really important yeah beautifully said I agree and you want to go back to something you said earlier which my own
33:25- Experience in coaching women and very often when you see women that are sort of stuck in the masculine it's because they don't feel safe and you'll see like even women that come across very masculine in the presence of a true masculine energy will release that masculine energy in themselves and shift into the feminine when they feel safe to do so which is fascinating this old made me think I haven't given this much thought yet but it also made me think I wonder if there is a CounterPoint in this where
34:02- Just where our society is now where men are showing up in the feminine for the exact same reason because they interchange there where they don't feel comfortable showing up in the masculine is there a subdued of seeing more and more dudes show up in a much more subdued masculine I get a lot of questions I get dm'd a lot from guys trying to understand what the nature of being a man is right now for a number of reasons which is an interesting conversation or just how do
34:29- You show up as a man and they're they're it's like they almost feel bad showing up in the masculine or have a really kind of up view of what masculine energy is yes yeah which is awesome well I think it's hard because when you have women who won't allow men to lead then men when you've been routinely told not to lead like don't be a leader because I will not follow you and my leadership is more better than yours you know whatever then men would stop bleeding yeah or I think the thing where when react to
35:05- Error we historically when we react to air we cause more air and so you've seen kind of the Swing towards more feminism and prioritizing the feminine which by the way I think for many reasons is appropriate but not at the cost of the masculine and that's where we react to air we cause more air and so if you're responding from a wound or from trauma that's very often what happens and so you just create more pain because the unhealed parts in you great wounds you just you're just going to create more of what's in you and so I
35:42- Think in an effort to try to protect or to amplify or to support the feminine uh some cases maybe intentionally but I'm just going to say unintentionally for the moment we have muted or confused what the masculine is and there's just a lot of dudes young men who seem very confused about how to show up in the masculine what that is and so they'll think being assertive is a negative thing or being aggressive or pioneering or adventurous is a negative thing adventurous uh yeah and or that you know that's looked down upon and it's like I
36:20- Can't be too dominating I can't be too domineering like let me help you we would not be a country if there wasn't men that weren't willing to step up and take those roles right they're like it's a called for Action in history it just you have to probably I think Maslow sends the word he says everything is a is a nail he was good the hammer sees everything as a nail so if you don't know how to use the energy appropriately and that's all you know how to do you will inevitably misuse it but not
36:45- Understanding it or denying it simply because you're either confused by it or afraid of what other people are going to think is not healthy either I think that it's the coming together where we teach this how does the feminine and the masculine do the dance together how do we how do we synergize that in a way where they're supporting one another and those roles are creating Magic on Earth heaven on Earth is you know the intent which I think is possible well and I think you know when we're all we're
37:12- Trying to create businesses of purpose and impact and something that means something you have to have the balance of the two you know I mean I'm a female VC working in Health Equity and impact and you know I have a strong female presence both in my company as in my portfolio but I am very very adamant that we will never be an all women team because I think that that balance is powerful yes and I look at what it is that we've been able to accomplish over the past only a year and it's impossible
37:53- On paper the math doesn't it does not add up how did we do it and there's a few things that I will tell people out people who don't get it I will say you know alignment and multipliers and when you've got you know people aligned one plus one equals three and or 11 and everyone on the you know all the investors who are involved and all the team were all lined but in reality it is that but it's also the interplay between the masculine the feminine energy we attract we amplify and if you are only operating
38:30-The masculine there is no attraction and you will struggle to amplify and so I think that that's how you know if you've got big things you want to create the only way to do it is to understand how to have this balance you know and it's a practice it's not like you like go check the box like okay we got some feminine energy here we're good you know good yeah it's a practice so I would love to hear from you you know if you were sitting across from an entrepreneur who is just starting out on
39:06- Their journey and you know they were in that place where you were you know maybe they are in year one of their business and things are tough and they just got a job offer baby at home you know all of that stuff or maybe they are you know just in a dark place or maybe they haven't started yet you know what would you knowing what you know now and with all the success that you've had now want to tell them all right you know I was going to comment on this earlier just thinking about your own story and mine it like
39:42- How different so many lives would have been had we given up like that's what gives me the chills what if I would have thrown in the towel and here's the thing like if I would have said hey you know I got a nine month old I'm newly married I gotta take care of my family and I take the stake route nobody's faulting me for that no they're all going to go oh good on you you're being responsible which is what really pisses me off which is so why so many people get lost because that just seems like good math
40:20- And it's like oh yeah yeah that makes sense nobody's gonna tell you but I knew I would have known that I wasn't I was not living up to my best and so part of this is I don't know it's if it's a one-size-fits-all you really have to know yourself you know what are you made of what and I think those times of pressure really reveal they may make you but I think they're more likely to reveal what's in you right what comes to the surface when you're under pressure how
40:47- Do you respond to that and that that was my point since then I I was foolish in thinking that well if you know you're married you have children you have things responsible for you would inherently be more driven to be focused and get the work done I now realize that isn't the case those aren't necessarily preset conditions that are going to work for everybody but I would say if you're in that position you really have to know what you're about right learn how to trust yourself learn know who you are that's the work and I
41:18- Think you know I entrepreneurship is just a fancy word for self-development or personal development you put yourself in a situation where that's the whole point of this podcast 100 right you have to learn as an entrepreneur you don't get the luxury I mean you could try but you don't get the luxury of pointing the finger at other people for why you're not a success it falls squarely on you it's personal responsibility yeah and everything is Amplified through that so you have to know what you're about I don't I used to
41:49- Think entrepreneurship was really the path for everybody or you know that you should always take that route if given the choice but I think for some people it isn't the route and you have to know yourself well enough to know what you want and what really matters to you now the litmus test for that is and one of my the questions I ask people that I'm coaching is whatever they're they're seeking let's say they want to build a business and they have an idea of what they want but they're struggling
42:17- And they come to me and they say you know I'm not I'm just not sure this is what I really want like okay I understand that but let me ask you a question if you if your business was how you envisioned it everything was running great your team was amazing you were profitable would you feel this way and like no of course not if everything was great I would love what I'm doing I'm like well then you're probably doing the right thing right in other words if the reason you don't want to do it is
42:47- Circumstance that's generally not a good reason to abandon your Pursuit right it's like if it's like you can Envision the perfect business and the way it is and you're like no that I just it's not what I want I'm not passionate about that even if everything was amazing I still wouldn't be excited about it that's a different discussion some people want to quit something and that's what I asked them it's like well if these conditions weren't present if these circumstances weren't present
43:13- Would you would you no longer be excited about this no no of course I'd be excited I'm like okay well so then this is a circumstance thing not a passion thing well let's address the circumstances because we don't want to make long-term decisions based on short-term problems or circumstantial problems and that was my my you know my point earlier is I love studying success literature and you can tell these books are real I read a ton and there's these two shelves are biographies of politics and then
43:41- Business and one of my favorite things is to get to that point in the story when the person should have quit and for every successful person there is that moment in which most humans would say you should have quit or why didn't you quit or nobody would have blamed you for quitting well that's well why didn't they quit what made them different and that those stories change trajectory not only their families but are very often countries or Humanity simply because they did not quit right they decided to go a
44:13- Different path and they didn't allow circumstance to be the reason why they didn't do something and it's always the case circumstance is always the reason right that's yeah we can have enough circumstances to justify why we quit I think about Elon Musk he's lobbing freaking Rockets up into space and his first three blow up before they get off the pad and he's got one more left and he's going to be bankrupt if it doesn't go up and he's like let's love this up see what happens yeah it's
44:37- Like what you know why didn't you quit that's a really interesting thing to talk about because I always think when I tell I always tell myself I'm not allowed to quit on a bad day 100 I can only if I'm gonna quit I quit on a good day so funny that's exactly my thought too I'm gonna quit on top I'm quitting on top if you're quitting you're quitting on top yeah I actually joked I was joking to Brian at expert Dojo because this last cohort that we launched was like amazing and I
45:03- Told him I said I think I just need to quit because I'm not going to top this mic drop I'm out I always like you better not I'm like I don't know I can't top it you know but I guess I think I have to top it but anyway so Sebastian where can people connect with you a most active right now on IG and Tick Tock so that's probably the best way to or go to my website uh sebastianenges.
45:30- Com but at sebastianenges on all platforms you can reach me there but I'm most active on IG Instagram and Tick Tock and I generally respond to my DMs I try it's getting a bit more challenging but I try to respond to everyone when I can you have any programs rolling out or you have a program that would be rolling out here in the future yeah we're going to be offering some group coaching I think we're launching that next month in November which I'm really excited about I wasn't planning on doing
46:00- It I there was a lot of people started asking for coaching and I don't have a lot of time for one-on-one coaching uh it's not generally a good use of my time you know within reason so we're going to offer some educational programs and more of a group coaching platform that I'm super excited about so we're launching that I'm doing a lot more speaking we're working on a speaking tour next year from 2023 which I'm really excited about I'm gonna you know get out and be
46:31- With the people and do a lot more be with the people do a lot more speaking and just connect with guys out in public I'm not a social media and girls yeah and girls yeah guys is a ubiquitous I gotta catch that I was somebody gave me a busted my balls I was quoting an old saying if you want to give something done give it to a busy man and a bunch of people were like it's people women too like yes yes in my mind when I say man unless I'm being very deliberate it's I'm regarding Humanity
46:59- Not particular gender but fair enough but you know in the context of coaching though that's why I had to correct you because there's some people who coach Matt 100 and so I wanted to you know put that out there Sebastian doesn't the program is not only for Matt it is also for women it would be fine if it was just for men but yeah it's not fair enough exactly yes 100 right it's Super Bowl so uh yeah we got we have some things some fun things tuned up I think for the next 12 months can be fun
47:22- Sounds very exciting so everybody you met him here not first but hopefully this podcast with Sebastian is the best that's out there lots of wisdom lots of knowledge we talked about business we talked about feminine and masculine energy we talked about gosh I don't know what major turning points and just I mean we covered a lot of ground we will break those down a little bit the show notes for you all but until next time thanks adventurers for joining us here and we will see you right back here for the next episode
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